Well, I found out this morning that she has breast cancer.

I can’t help but feel distraught. I’ve been trying to analyze my feelings all day and have finally decided to stop thinking and just let myself go through the motions. It’s been 17 years since she’s been a part of my life and I never really cared for her because of her seeming to not care about me. However, she is family. I don’t have her contact information, so I reached out to her kids (obviously, my cousins) and offered to help in any way I can.

I keep thinking of when I was eight years old and lived down the street from my aunt. I remember spending plenty of time at her house. She taught me to make empanadas and I helped her fold them over with a fork. I remember spending countless hours in her pool with my cousins, staring at the grasshoppers on the edge that had no problem having sex in front of us. I also remember trying to catch butterflies in her backyard. Sadly, those are almost all the memories I have of her as my aunt.

My relationship with my cousins disappeared at the same time as my relationship with my aunt died. We recently had a short, two-year revitalization, but it was short-lived. maybe it’s just not meant to be.

I decided to reach out to my cousins despite our relationship silently slipping away again – we’ll see if this will help bring us back together.

I’m pretty shaken up. I know that her chances of fighting off the cancer and bouncing back to health are good, but it’s still scary. I can’t imagine what she’s going through and I feel for my cousins.

I dont know when I’ll ever speak to her, or my cousins, again, but I wish everyone in that family the very best and I hope they come out stronger.